good noose

2003.10.30 11.10

Hey, look... good economic news. Can you guess who will take the credit? Can you guess who will try to shift the focus back to the bad news so they can further their careers? Can you guess who will discount this data and point out all of the shortcomings? Can you guess who will use this to push for their own agenda? Politics + Media = Teh Suck. I have no aspirations for holding office or becoming a newscaster, how'd you guess? Now, where'd I put that damn lotto ticket...

Here's my entry from last night at 1 AM...

mosh definitely

2003.10.30 1.30

Just got back from Nocturne. Aside from their usual strange gothic industrial music, I heard the familiar reassuring strains of Peter Murphy's ''Cuts You Up'' and Marilyn Manson's ''Fight Song.'' The latter has wacky lyrics as most Manson songs do. Here's a sample stanza to prove my point:

You'll never grow up to be a big rock star
Celebrated victim of your fame
Just cut our wrists like cheap coupons
And say that "death was on sale today"

Well... isn't that special? If you hear it with the melody I'm sure you'd appreciate it more. No, really. Tonight was different from last Wednesday in that they had a mosh pit going for about 30 minutes. For 20 minutes there were ugly guys moshing and bashing. For 5 minutes there were hot sweaty girls moshing and bashing. For the last 5 minutes there was supposed to be guys and girls moshing together, but it was mostly guys. Wah. The DJ then dug out a Shirley Manson Garbage album and the We Must Now Mosh spotlights were darkened for the remainder of the evening.

I talked to two people. One was some dude who wanted to know if this group of people were holding a paint gun. Yes they were. I have no idea why, so I just left abruptly. The other person I spoke with was shaking the crap out of her friend's head. This poor girl was obviously out of it while sitting down on a short staircase. Her moron friend was shaking her head like it was a pinata. Rather than just sit there and watch this nit-wit administer whip-lash to her friend (like everyone else was), I walked over and made some inquiries. Drugs? No -- drunk. I was like, ''STOP SHAKING HER HEAD!'' and she was like ''I'VE NEVER BEEN DRUNK BEFORE'' and I was like ''TRUST ME -- SHAKING THE HEAD DOES NOT MAKE SOMEONE LESS DRUNK.'' I gave a few more tips. They stood up and Drunk Girl was fine, just a bit wobbly. The rest of the evening was uneventful. Some car honked their horn at me while I was walking back to my condo. I was like, ''Yeah, yeah... you can look but don't touch.'' Riiight.

listen here

2003.10.29 1.35

Just a quick entry to say that I've nearly moved all my stuff onto the new Media Center PC. I assume I'll have a 500 emails to reply to. Get in line. Batman will be making his first appearance in Philadelphia this Friday, by the way.

You know you want a Revolution....

file not found

2003.10.27 7.00

Attended The Golden Age of Grotesque Marilyn Manson concert last night at the Tower Theater. I had the best seat for a concert I've ever had. Front row center. No barrier. Basically it was Marilyn Manson putting on a show 5 feet away. He played a good number of songs... I'll get the exact set list posted soon. The show was going great up until when someone ten rows back threw a bottle at Manson. I was halfway expecting to see the jackass from the other day who'd been talking smack about my big giant dick. Manson tried to get him to come up on the stage but the bottle throwing wuss wouldn't show his face. Manson played ''Beautiful People'' and then that was it. No encore. Way to go, Philly! I had a great time regardless. If you get the chance to see him live, do it. Great F'ing show.

Just wanted to drop a note to say that if anyone has been trying to get in touch with me via AIM or email that my machine where all my accounts are stored has been jacked up for the last several days. I think I have a solution that will bring it back from the dead tonight. Does anybody know where I can get goat's blood and wart of newt for cheap?

Friend of mine that I hired on who's also a fellow Jersey Village High School alumni has turned me on to JVAlumni.com. Always good to see that my classmates are doing okay. Despite some misgivings and mistreatment in those problematic elementary and junior high years, I don't hold a grudge against anybody. Oh, wait, EXCEPT whoever narced on me for taking pictures when we wrapped Cy-Farm back in the fall of 1986. That sucked! The assistant principals called my parents and had them bring my camera up to school while I was held captive in the office. The negatives were quickly developed and then all kinds of hell broke lose. Ugh. If I could go back and do it again, I would have taken pictures of my butt crack instead. This was back in the day when they were still using PADDLING as a punishment. Good times.

again and again

2003.10.24 11.15

Last night went to South Street to help my coworker friend find a costume. Went into some creepy place where they were super-pushy with what you could and couldn't try on.

''Can I try on this wig?''

''NO.''

''How will I know if it fits?''

''HERE. YOU PUT ON BLUE WIG. FITS JUST LIKE OTHER WIGS.''

''Sir, you don't have to yell.''

I AM NOT YELLING. I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS.

''Oh.''

There were a few good ideas out there and I think final decisions will be worked out this weekend. As I walked back to the car, some jackass sitting in the passenger seat of a big truck with Jersey plates yelled at me. I was wearing a black knit cap. This is kind of how it went, only funnier.

Jackass In Truck: ''Hey, man you look like a giant DICK!''

Me: ''Why, thank you. I was hoping nobody would notice my bulge.''

Jackass: 'No, not that! I mean you -- You look like a giant dick.''

Me: ''I look like I've got a big dick. Right. You keep saying that.''

Jackass: [growing impatient] ''Naw, man. You yourself! You!''

Me: ''What about me? You're jealous of my big giant dick?''

Jackass: ''No! You... look like a big, giant, dick.''

Me: ''Are you hungry for big giant dick? Is that your problem?''

At this point the truck had moved through traffic and the jackass in the passenger seat was no longer within earshot. He looked really pissed that I hadn't given in to his lame ass insult. That's ashame. I was about to tell him about his mom and my big giant dick. Tsk tsk.

nocturne

2003.10.23 12.03

Reward Lost Dog

Name: Stella
Breed: German Shepherd Mix; Age: 3
Last Seen: October 18, 2003
Villages of Bear Creek Subdivision
Please Call David McKenzie
281-413-6294

Daydreaming about my time spent at Number's Night Club. Decided to try, yet again, to find decent similar club in Philly. Found a place called Shampoo which has a night called ''Nocturne'' every Wednesday. After work I had a company meeting and then was back home. I'd done a little research and dressed appropriately (i.e. all black). I wore the Bruce Lee black Karate jacket thing that I wore a few weeks ago. The place is only 2 blocks north and 4 blocks away. Not bad! All I need is a girlfriend who plays EverQuest and I'll be just like my favorite friend Jason. So, I walked down there and there were two enormous burly bouncers at the door. I got searched. Then down a staircase. Then buying a ticket at this tiny booth that I nearly passed. From here you have two choices: go downstairs where you can buy drinks and drink and walk around, or go upstairs where they have a large dancefloor, very good music, and no drinks. Unusual. I got there around 9:30 PM so I was skeptical at first. At around 10:30 things really started picking up and getting a decent crowd. It was good people watching times. So difficult since I know absolutely no one there. Back in 1996 when I first became a Number's regular I had the benefit of my friend Seven and her entourage. I don't think she goes by Seven anymore, but the name sticks. I had a very decent time and left around 12:15 AM. I had to work the next morning, so the timing of this cool club activity happening in the middle of the week is both a blessing and a curse. The crowd appears to be mobile, however. There is a place called La Tazza (or something like that) where, I believe, the same kind of crowd and music will be present. Next time I'll bring a camera. The crowd was way more gothically coifed than any I've ever seen before. Wondering how they would react to Batman trolling in one day.

Matrix Revolutions reviews are coming in. So far of the three that I have read the buzz is great. I'm psyched. First show is at 9 AM on November 5th. Seriously doubt I will be making that as I should be at work at that time. We'll see. Anyone planning to go to the very first showing?

all that's left of me... is my celebrity

2003.10.21 4.55

Dusted apartment over the weekend when I wasn't moving things around for hours and hours. Discovered that the little spots on the kitchen floor were actually filth of some design. All gone now. Dog is confused now that floor is no longer dotted with spots. Wondering what previous tenant did to create them. Found old bills from 1992 hidden in the back of a drawer. No, not dollar bills. Bill bills. Some dude was really behind... maybe because they'd fallen back there all this time? Makes you wonder how clean this apartment has really been if I'm the one who just now found them. Decided I need to work on my obsessive compulsive cleaning disorder.

Hit Best Buy today and bought The Dead Zone Season 1, The Indiana Jones Trilogy, and the new Barenaked Ladies CD Everything To Everyone. As far as Barenaked goes... they don't disappoint. The first track ''Celebrity'' has a minor-chorded haunting melody that I dig. I went to Hoolihan's for the grilled salmon caesar salad. I am spazzing out right now at the memory of the Best Western Indian Food. My favorite meal was the chicken caesar salad and jalapeno poppers. I think I got food poisoning three or four times. Could also be the damn panic disorder affecting my recollective ability. Whatever.

david blaine is crazy

2003.10.17 16.35

I wanted to learn how to levitate. I did some searches on the internet. Most results were junk. Some offered to teach you if you bought their $25 video tape. Pfft. I eventually found out how to do it for free. It's taken me about a day to get the illusion down pat and this afternoon I had my first successful demonstration. Yes, I float. Not very far off the ground at the moment -- just a couple of inches. But hey, that's enough for me. I'm not Superman.

I was driving back to my apartment last night in a cab. The cabbie started up a conversation by quizzing me on recent movies. He prefaces the conversation by declaring his plan to see ''Kill Bill'' on Sunday. Then he goes on to say he lives in Jersey, he lists off his favorite theaters, he asks me what I thought of Kill Bill, he asks me what I think of his favorite theaters, etc. Most taxi drivers don't give you the chit chat, but this guy was alright. I was whisked from 18th to 3rd in just a few minutes. He recommended ''28 Days Later'' wholeheartedly. He began to talk about his invention for fixing bumps in the road when we abruptly arrived at my flat. I paid. He split. I am thinking about having a double feature of ''28 Days'' and ''28 Days Later'' and maybe even tossing in ''3 Days of the Condor'' just for fun.

revolutions

2003.10.14 12.27

Edited yesterday's entry to improve ha ha factor. Plotting trip to Best Buy to acquire Matrix Reloaded and South Park The Movie. Plan to play Matrix Reloaded tonight in vain attempt to piss off my neighbor with my kick ass speakers.

Forgot to talk about how cool my parking garage is. My parking garage is cool. There, I've said it. Only had one minor incident. At first I didn't have The Remote to open up the upper deck ramp garage door. Most attendants were nice enough to open it for me. Most... until I met The Late Shift Dude. He told me I had to have my own remote to get up there. ''But I've already been up there.'' He was like, ''No, sorry...'' and I was all, ''but I like it up there... I don't wanna park down here.'' He stood motionless. ''Come on, I'll give you a dollar!'' I offered. He shook his head in silence. ''Okay, fine, I'll pay for a remote first thing tomorrow morning. Will you please let me in now?'' A smile slowly formed on his face as if he'd won a contest or something. He walked into the nappy office and hit his button. The next day I was out $40 and in exchange held my very own giant honkin' remote control. I took it up to my apartment. From my window I can see both the nappy office and the aforementioned garage door. My alarm clock woke me just before Late Shift Dude had to leave for the night. I walked over to my window. I hit my shiny new remote button. The garage door began to open. The Late Shift Dude walked outside his office, confused. He rapped his hand against the door as it closed, as if that would solve the mystery of why it opened. I waited until he had almost returned to the office and hit the button again. He spun around to face the door, startled. I briefly considered the downside that I might give this guy a heart attack from all of my mysterious late night shenanigans. Then I thought, ''Nah.'' He returned to the garage door and reinspected it for... I dunno... poltergeists? I repeated this sequence, like, three more times. I think by the fifth time he became disinterested in becoming a Ghostbuster and began to ignore the opening and the closing. Fine. I changed my gameplan and hit the PANIC button on my car's remote. That made a few other car alarms go off as a result. He jumped up again, only this time as if there was a fire somewhere. He took off for the staircase. I hit the PANIC button again to make my car stop honking. He made it upstairs just as my car shut up. The other cars gave up after another minute. He carefully walked past each car during his paranormal investigation before returning downstairs. Just as he was about to sit down again... yeah, that's right... I hit PANIC again. Good times. Now, that was worth $40.

weekentropy

2003.10.13 11.24

Watched recorded TV on Friday. Contemplated moving furniture. Took some pictures (see my portal). Wondering if taking an overhead picture while I'm lying down makes me look like I'm dead. Scheduled trip to Petsmart for The Dog at 8 AM tomorrow morning. Zonked out at 11.

Woke up. Duh. Decided taking dog in at 8 AM was pure insanity and canceled. Made up story that my car was unavailable. Wondered why I felt compelled to lie to the Petsmart grooming department. Shrugged. Walked back and forth between my two pieces of furniture. Attempted to imagine better layout by squinting eyes. Decided instead to fix bed. Walked dog. Worked on my PHP and MySQL skillz. Had lunch at Silk City. Went to see ''Kill Bill, Vol. 1'' in Cherry Hill. Loved it. Can't wait to see Vol. 2. Cutting it up = good choice. There's a nice cliffhanger element thrown to you at the last second before the credits roll so you can scream out, "NO F---ING WAY!'' Quintin is back on his game. Watched SNL with Justin Timberlake. His parody of Punk'd was well done. Weekend Update was the best segment (as usual). Lost consciousness at 2 AM.

Woke up. Duh. Decided to finally move furniture. Opened my windows completely. This is rare because the windows are 7 layers deep: the old ghetto building window sandwiched between four plates of glass and two screens. Seems excessive. I told the landlady that I had to remove one glass pane because it was about to fall out and smash into the street during the hurricane windyness a few weeks ago. She responded with a disbelieving, ''I don't think the hurricane really affected us...'' as if I had imagined the whole thing. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Wait until I tell her about the Sasquatch in the attic.

Spent the rest of the day stressing out over my fantasy football team until the last game of the day was over (my opponet is beating me by 1 point). There's still tonight's game. I'm 4-1-0 right now and the guy I'm playing is the only 5-0-0 team. I make no predictions, but (to make a prediction) I suspect I will be kicking his fantasy football ass after MNF is over with.

sound of maniacal laugh

2003.10.10 7.15

I registered MARK-SHIELDS.BIZ, MARK-SHIELDS.ORG, MARK-SHIELDS.US, MARKSHIELDS.BIZ, MARKSHIELDS.US, MARKSHIELDS.WS, SUPER-GENIUS.BIZ, SUPER-GENIUS.US, and SUPER-GENIUS.WS. I feel much better now.

Hey I got some emails from a few friends last night. I'll be writing you back tonight. I've been working on designing some clothing with a friend. Very different from doing web work. The name of the site sounds dirty, but it isn't. Are you a pet owner with a twisted sense humor and you like mildly offensive t-shirts and hats and lunchboxes and clocks and clothes? Well, there's a link for you right there. Personally I am thinking about opening up a Super Genius store. I don't know what I'd put on everything. I was thinking I'd take a picture of my eyeball. Hmmm. Maybe pictures of all of my ex-girlfriends and some witty captions beneath them. Yeah, that'll make me popular.

mark, mark, everywhere...

2003.10.09 11.33

Alarmed to learn that Jerald has had his name fall out of the Google top ten. I've been trying to get in there. I am position #1 with the Mark Wahlberg site. Lately, I have had to deal with MarkShields.org, an overtly offensive mega religious ME AND MY FAMILY ARE SO AWESOME type of site on a domain I should have bought when I had the chance. Come on. Only *I* am awesome. Get it right. And now I've come to find out that Mark-Shields.net is showing up way up at the top of the list. This 1997-style site almost seems to rip off mine. Same navigation at the top. Same position of the name at the top. Even the disclaimer at the bottom of the page stinks of stolen HTML. Take a close look at it... doesn't this guy doesn't know that ''intelectual' is misspelled? I mean, come on, like, super DUH! I believe I'm gonna head on over to GoDaddy.com and buy up every varation of my name that isn't already taken. This means war.

Just wanna say congratulations to Gary Numan on the birth of his first child. I look forward to seeing him in concert the next chance I get. He wrote ''Cars'' and other notable hits in the 80's. His style is very unique. You should give him a listen if you haven't. Go. Go now.

I also want to acknowledge Arnold and his successful run for gov. I like that he's a super moderate and fairly liberal Republican. Personally I'd have preferred that he ran as an independent, but whatever. That's what makes this country so flexible. Hmmm. When are we going to annex Canada and Mexico? I'm getting impatient. I have new names for them: Mexica and Canica. Just so nobody gets confused about who owns who. Come to think of it, we ought to put them Canadians in their place. How about Canaduh? Cannabis? Cana Lama Ding Dong? Okay, okay, fine, I'll stop.

I was pissssssed when I was informed that a certain Holiday Party is being planned during the week of 12/8 when I'm in Philly and unable to attend. I was hoping it would happen the week of 12/15 when I'll be on vacation and back in town. What makes the week of 12/8 so special? ''Some people will be going on vacation that next week,'' is what I'm told. Well, really, on vacation? Hey, hey... now wait a minute! *I* will be on vacation that week! That is my whole point for attending. This party is always held on a weekday, so, how exactly is this not a good idea? You're on vacation. You get trashed. You take a cab home. You now don't have to drive to work the next morning half drunker than a skunker. No-brainer! Going on vacation does not always equal leaving town, either. In my case it means coming into town. Ugh. Conspiracy! Nobody will listen to me. Wah.

batman vuelve

2003.10.06 12.02

I feel funky. Like I've got a cold that might show up. I am trying to kill it with positive thinking and hot coffee. Whenever I feel like I'm getting sick on a Friday or Saturday, I try to stick it out. I am famous for getting sick on Saturday and then recovering by Sunday night. It may sound unfair, but that's what always seems to happen. When I was in the fourth grade I got sick on the last Friday of school before the Christmas holidays. The highly-anticipated Christmas Party that involved the exchange of one lame 5$ gift for another was not to take place until the end of the day. I tried to stick it out, but failed. I think I had a temperature of over 100. I knew I could go home, but I didn't wanna! But I had to. They made me draw a number out of The Gift Box and I got my gift early. A box of 10 different kinds of Lifesavers. Lame! Matter of fact, I got the exact same gift during the fifth grade Christmas Party festivities. I quickly traded it for Sea Monkeys. Now that's a great gift. Living beings (even if they are brine shrimp) given to you as a gift. They lived long lives until I was confounded one fateful day with the problem of how to take them out of the water to change it. I never figured that part out.

This weekend I was in Houston and I spent almost the entire time working on my house. I got a replacement doorbell, changed around some things with the burglar alarm, and changed out my sockets and switches with new shiney pretty white sockets and switches with matching white faceplates. No more yellowed sockets and switches. I was briefly thinking about making them all gray and using stainless steel faceplates, but that looks kind of dumb on a white sheet-rock wall. I managed to change them out in the living room and kitchen. Only got shocked once. I love my house. My roommate gets to enjoy the amenities while I'm gone. I told him he needs to throw more parties there so that the carpet can get worn out and replaced. I've only had one vomit incident. Can't someone come over and drop some kind of volatile liquid or something? Geez.

bird poop

2003.10.02 12.02

So I parked my car in this very cool spot I could see directly across from my condo window. I wondered why nobody ever parked there. I found out. Eew. Pigeons apparently roost right above it. This morning a nice little smattering of bird mess was all over the back of my car. Those pigeons need to cut back on the fatty foods.

I just got off the phone with AbbyShot Clothiers, makers of fine movie inspired clothing -- movies like The Matrix Reloaded, for example. The Lobby Reloaded Wool, a custom fitted trench, is my current acquisition objective. I have been walking around with measuring tape for the last few weeks, but finding someone to measure me (and also remembering to ask them to do it) has proven difficult. I just decided I would do it myself... with the assistance of adhesive tape. Good ol' tape, my friend. I'm gonna start taking my roll of tape to the movies. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I'm sure we'll stick together. [gag].

My measurements were as follows: Chest: 36'', Waist Size: 32'', Inner Neck Height: 5'', Neck Circumference: 14.5'', Shoulder Width: 21.5'', Neck to Waist Length: 18'', Sleeve Length: 22.5'', Finished Garment Length: 58'', Full Body Height: 70.75''. I will double check stuff later tonight in the privacy of my own home, but I'm pretty sure I double checked all the weird stuff. The downside to waiting so long is that I am probably not going to have this ready by Halloween. The last guy to request a Rush Order did so this morning, so I've basically screwed myself. Batman is always available, however. I've had that costume since 1989. The cowl is still on its last legs, however. Latex just doesn't hold up over time. I'm going to Houston this weekend and will bring the bat suit up with me. Joy. I will also bring my Michael Meyers Halloween mask. I wonder if it fits now that my face isn't as chubby as it was last year. Hmmm.

No other news to report. The car has been running great. I think I may get singled out on occasion by freakin' crazy local Philly drivers who think they can have some fun by Outdriving The Texan or Acting Like a Jackass. I don't like those games. I can't count how many times I've had to whip out The Finger. Hey, they deserved it.